This question has perplexed many of us quite some time now. For myself, I have pondered it numerous times and probably you have as well. For sheer fun, I have thought “If I won the lottery, I’d do XYZ!” Take notice of the verb “do” and what that may mean. What would you do?
I recently came across an article in a magazine that focused on this topic. It firmly reinforced to me a long held belief and a core value of desiring to choose a meaningful, joyful experience over accumulating an acquisition of some material goods. Ask yourself if you want to indulge yourself in a way that brings you long term emotional satisfaction? By investing in experiences that give you pleasure and lasting emotional benefits, they will leave you with a fond memory to revisit in the future. For example, think about a past vacation that you fully enjoyed and why you did. What was it about that trip that made you feel so good and happy to be alive? According to the study at San Francisco State University by the study author Ryan Howell, Ph.D. he discovered that “Buying a new shirt, pair of shoes, or electronic device may give you a temporary lift, but you’ll adapt to it pretty quickly.” And he further states “Once you do, it won’t be as uplifting anymore.” Therefore, from his study results, he affirms that spending money on experiences creates a kind of “memory capital” – an emotional reserve of happy memories that one can recall many times. What is the take away here? Be mindful that those material goods will tend to depreciate and diminish in personal worth and that your rich “bank” of personal memories will become more valued and treasured throughout your life. Furthermore, per his study, he found that there was no correlation between the costs of the purchases – whether they were material or experiential and the happiness derived from them. In conclusion, you don’t need to spend big to give yourself a huge payback! I challenge you to look back and recall what experiences you most enjoyed and perhaps repeat them or even try new ones. I invite your comments.
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"You've got to give more than you take."
- Christopher Reeve How many times have you heard someone say that an individual is a giver or that they are such a taker? I have, and the entire concept is a broad statement used in daily conversations often to generalize about a person’s character and their mode of operation or how they function in life. Where do you honestly see yourself? What opinion would someone say about you when you aren’t around to hear it? A good simplified definition of a “taker” is a person that shows a high level of narcissism and selfishness. An individual will seek to get what they feel they need no matter at what cost. There is an overwhelming motive to get results solely to serve their interests first and foremost. There is little or no concern or care for anyone else but their own self (their ego rules and dominates their thoughts). They employ tactics to acquire outcomes they seek. What they want is paramount, even if it may not be in the best interest of others affected by the actions taken. Takers are great in the art of manipulating others to obtain what they desire and what is important to them to satisfy their immediate agenda. Usually there is a persistent pattern of behavior, as they are not easily satiated but continue to repeatedly procure from others to get their way or achieve the desired results until they do. They look for “givers.” The opposite of a “taker” is a “giver.” A giver is a person who viewed as being selfless and generous in spirit. They have a genuine concern for others and are unselfish. Givers see the big picture of a situation not the magnified viewpoint of the taker. Givers are seen as people whose thoughts tend to be more focused on how they can contribute and help others who might be in need. Often acting spontaneously, they willingly offer assistance or support without expecting any immediate pay back. Givers are usually ready to go above and beyond of what is normally expected in social interactions. They exhibit a natural kindness and an attitude of gratitude. They are confident that their needs will be met in life by being authentic in their style of operation. The important note of concern here is that the “giver” is careful about setting up personal boundaries so that the “takers” do not seize unnecessary advantage of them. In essence, a giver must learn when and where it is appropriate to say “No.” Contemplate what side of the continuum you see yourself? Are you being honest with how you function in your life? What would you be willing to change? How has your style worked for you in the past? Today’s a new day – what direction will you choose? "The key to success is letting the relationships in your life grow to the highest levels they possibly can . . . not putting yourself first in life and remembering that the more you give away, the more you have. " -Christopher Reeve I invite your comments. The only moment in time, is this one. Now, think about that for a “moment.” How does that statement resonate with you? Are you occupied with thoughts of the future or dwelling about your past? The past is over. That time is gone forever. You have memories to recall and reflect on while the future hasn’t happened yet. You can set a clock to go forward in time but you can’t unwind it. So, what is left? The answer is this moment, the present, you are in the now. How can you be more conscious and enjoy what lies right in front of you? Stop and pay attention to what is happening. You have control if you make the choice to take a breath and just be. We are all aware of being overwhelmed and besieged by multiple daily distractions. Focus your attention on the task at hand by learning to quiet down your mind. In addition to feeling calmer, you will feel more focused and probably become more efficient as well. The majority of people aren’t adept at thinking or doing two things at once. Consider taking pragmatic steps to rediscover the gratification of being present in the moment and you’ll also rediscover the quiet focus within. Some simple suggestions to assist you to practice being present is as follows: 1. Meditation or prayer 2. Slowly breathe and sit still quietly 3. Engage in some form of playfulness 4. Get up and move around 5. Take a walk in nature and its splendor 6. Get up and engage in some form of exercise 7. Take pleasure in listening to some favorite soothing music 8. Relax by closing your eyes – take five 9. Do one project at a time and eliminate or postpone unnecessary multi-tasking 10.Play with your children or pets 11.“Be” with your loved ones 12.Do something fun and unexpected 13.Turn off the cell/home phone ringer, “unplug” from your computer and emails Consider the thought provoking lyrics from a famous Beatles song, “Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.” Sometimes to value our own well-being we need to allow ourselves to slow down, relax, and take a moment to enjoy the “present.” In reality, that is all we have. s is your new blog post. Click here and start typing, or drag in elements from the top bar. Can you control your own happiness? In my opinion, you can but it takes a mental readjustment and the willingness to want to make any necessary changes in your personal life and life style. How to do this is a matter of choice. Feeling like life’s got you instead of you having a life? You can decide to be happy by utilizing several simple strategies.
"Happiness is not ready made, it comes from your own actions." - Dalai Lama Some suggestions to get happy include the following measures: 1. Act happy, even if you aren’t (yet). It will cheer you and everyone around you. For example, make an effort to smile at someone today. It’s no cost to you and may elicit a smile in return by making someone’s day brighter. 2. Look and seek out positive distractions. Think about what gives you pleasure and do it, if feasible. Don’t wait for the activity – take the imitative and call a friend, go for a bike ride, see a play, or visit a museum of interest. The point here is to fully engage and “plug” into life around you. 3. Do one thing at a time at least an hour or two a day. Multi tasking can create added tension and lead to a feeling of being spread too thin to be effective which results in mental fatigue. Focusing on one activity has a calming effect to ease anxiety and allows you to enjoy the experience. Try and get into a Zen zone of just being in the moment and being present to enjoy what unfolds. 4. Connect with others – spend quality time with friends and loved ones as much as possible. Enjoying close relationships is the number one predicator of happiness. Many studies have proven this theory to be true. Being social and building relationships is the best soul medicine you can gift to yourself. Share your love and concern with the significant others in your life. 5. Take action – being passive tends to make you feel worse and isolated. Set realistic goals, make a mental list of the many ways you can affect change for yourself. Doing nothing to move forward results in nothing accomplished. 6. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Practice being more conscious and appreciative of what you already have going for you – your health, your family, your loved ones, your job, your home, your pets, etc. In our busy lives we often neglect to say “Thank you” to others for what they say or do for us. Become gracious, count up your blessings as they are usually more than we often acknowledge. 7. Stop and have some fun. Be playful and spirited. For example, turn on some uplifting music and it will change your mood. Get up and move around – take a walk to help clear negative emotions. Discover what makes you feel alive and do it. Ask yourself, how much fun am I to be with? Happiness is created by you, for you. By practicing being content each day, it will change your mood, disposition and future outlook. Happiness is a choice – make it yours. "There are two ways to spread happiness; either be the light who shines it or be the mirror who reflects it." -- Edith Wharton I invite your comments. Every day, you may catch telling yourself the “I should have done…” I would have done better to do …”, or “I could have …” Do these common self talk thoughts sound familiar to you? Is this how you talk to yourself often? We are all guilty of this behavior. We shoulda, woulda, and coulda all over ourselves. We can get in our own way and give away our personal power and strength.
To begin, we would be best served to improve our lives by focusing in greater detail what these messages truly mean to you. To attempt to reach our goals, dreams and intentions these do serve a very valuable purpose. These can be clear indicators of what is important to us to achieve and when to do so. Often by analyzing what it is we don’t want we can learn the opposite - what we do want and like to see happen. These phrases of shoulda, woulda and coulda are created by your own thought processes. In reality, there is nothing you should be doing or have to be doing. It’s a choice you make whether to listen to these self defeating messages or act upon them. Become aware of your personal vernacular. Listen to what you tell yourself daily. Are you scolding yourself too many times, or do you make a choice to decide what to do or not do based on your beliefs? Once you become aware of the self chatter in your mind – stop and ask yourself these three paramount questions that will help you navigate through the situation with a solid strategy. On a scale from 1-10 (with a 1 being the lowest score and a 10 the highest score), rank your answers accordingly. 1. How important is this goal, dream or intention to me right now? If you respond with a score of less than 5 then be honest with yourself and decide whether you feel moved to act on your shoulda, woulda or coulda. If you have realistically assessed the ranking of importance with a low score then make the decision to place that project on the shelf for awhile to be reviewed at a later date or until you determine it is a priority to handle the matter. If you assess that it is not a good “fit” for you then you can abandon the idea and choose not to proceed. 2. Is this something that I wish to do or is this something someone else said I should do right now? If you respond with a score of less than 5 then it appears obvious you are not following your own agenda and that it feels right for you. If you are trying to accomplish a desire or need of someone else’s and not your own, then you will not be as likely to see it come to fruition. Instead of making a clear decision or choice based upon what you want, you will then most likely experience feelings of resentment or rebellion afterwards. To try to meet others expectations of you (which may be unrealistic or unattainable), you have lost your personal power. Essentially, you gave it away perhaps without knowing it. Therefore, be mindful of your words like “want” and “choose” (empowering words) and then you’ll know if you are being authentic with yourself or just trying to please or appease others in the process. Bottom line, when we are truly aligned with our core values and who we really are we tend to make better choices for ourselves and meet our own needs on our own terms honestly. 3. How will doing X serve me in being my best right now? If you respond with a score of less than 5 that means that doing X will not serve your best interests. This is the time to reevaluate your reasoning for acting upon a decision to do something that you really have determined is not right for you A simple mantra to help you remember these concepts is: “I will not should on myself today.” I invite your comments. “Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind. People grow old only by deserting their ideals and by outgrowing the consciousness of youth. Years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” – L.F. Phelen
As we age, we often lose touch with our inner being. We focus on our adult responsibilities and neglect our enthusiasm. We tend to forget to delight in the simple pleasures in life. We lose sight of how to have fun and be inquisitive, which a child does naturally. We often feel restrained and fail to be spontaneous in the moment. How playful are you? How much enthusiasm do you exude? Are you fun to be around? What excites and makes you feel alive? How do you choose to spend your free time? What did you enjoy doing as a child that you could do today? What talents can you tap into? What are your passions? Years do certainly wrinkle the skin as we age, but that doesn’t mean our souls need to become diminished by a lack of zest for life. You can make your spirit soar by listening to your inner being’s desires. Become mindful of what you need to fully enjoy your existence now. Take action; you are the one in charge – make it your best life! . Recently I read an article in the AARP magazine about people who are inspirations to others. I was inspired when one of the ten featured was Scott Hamilton, figure skater and cancer survivor. He has a fantastic personal credo. It is “ The only true disability in life is a bad attitude.”
You can control your reactions to events that occur in your life. Things happen to all of us. Some events are life changing great extraordinary wonderful ones, and some that are devastating. Scott Hamilton firmly believes we are defined by how we deal with setbacks. Notice he said setbacks not endings. How do you personally deal with problems? Do you tackle it with a “can do” attitude or do you shrink with paralyzing fear and negativity? We each have to figure out how best to tap our core inner strength. Many times a person is defined by how we handle our adversities and overcome them. Having a bad attitude will not help you clearly focus on what can be done to improve your personal dilemmas. Listen to your “self chatter” and hear how you deal with daily life. To better your attitude, ask yourself these questions and really listen to your answers. 1. What am I doing to contribute to my current situation? 2. What responsibility do I have to “own” this issue? 3. What do I really have control over? 4. What am I willing to change about my attitude that will bring me the results I want to accomplish? 5. What can I do now to feel better about myself? Be patient with yourself, as change takes effort. Ask others to help support and to hold you accountable with your new attitude. You alone decide if it’s worthwhile to make the change. "Be the change, you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Ghandi Are you aware that the one thing you really do have control is how you view your world? You are a being who possess absolutely full potential and the ability of free will to choose your perspective. What kind of universe do you want to live in?
“The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile world.” – Albert Einstein What you think about expands – fear, negativity and anxiety can only happen if you allow it. If left unchecked, the mind can be a dangerous place to breed more worry and toxicity that can spread like an emotional cancer. Like listening to a radio station, you can “tune out” the fear by choosing to click on another channel. If you don’t like the music you chose, select another one that provides you comfort and soothes you. It can cloud your perception of reality and paralyze your ability to function optimally. This distorted phenomenon illustrates our capacity to create catastrophes out of insignificant nothings and let fear dominate your ego and run rampant. As the well respected psychologist Dr. Wayne Dyer so simply and eloquently stated: “Hostile people live in a hostile world. Loving people live in a loving world. Same world.” During these challenging times, it’s crucial to challenge yourself. What is your perception? What are you choosing to focus on? Are you giving more importance and value to the things that are going well for you? “You can choose to eat from the buffet or the garbage can of thoughts.” – Louis Hay When you allow anxiety to be in control of you, you are putting your valuable mental energy into what hasn’t happened yet. It is in the future. When you are in a state of fear frenzy you are not grounded in the present moment. By being centered in the now – what you fear cannot happen. It’s your decision to either open the window of faith and hope and enjoy the pleasant warm breeze or close the door on fright and shut out the cold draft. Regardless of your life’s circumstances, you can select to be in control of the here and now. You can begin to live in a world that is loving and kind and supportive of what is truly best for you. Make a conscious decision each day to live in this existence the way that benefits you. Let your life prove your beliefs. Einstein told us we have a choice and that choice does determine the kind of life you will experience. "Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it.
Autograph your work with excellence." – Unknown This quote was so extraordinary – it really had an instant impact on me. It made me stop and think about whatever task I do in my life that it truly reflects on who I am. If you study this notion further, the completed result does show others who you are and what matters most to you. The “work” can be something simple as cooking a healthy dinner for a loved one or as complex as completing a huge assignment at your place of employment. You decide how much or how little of yourself you infuse into each project; how much energy you put forth and what you’d like the outcome to be. You alone decide what its worth is. If you think about it, often the majority of people will not have witnessed the efforts you did to create or master the task. Often, they only can see the finished product and are not cognizant of the skill, labor or time involved to accomplish something. Unintentionally, some may take what you do to get to the end result for granted. They may not be aware of your “work” behind the scenes or they may not truly value and appreciate what you created. Therefore, do you do something just to get it done or do you do something that shines as a result of your intentions? What do you care about when you are accomplishing something? Do you go into the project with the expectation of doing it well? Do you focus on how your job affects others around you? I think it comes down to your attitude and your values when you initiate a new task. Whether you are at home or at work, no matter the complexity, whatever you are doing every day you really do leave your “signature.” I hope you will give some mindful energy on how you will leave your imprint. I recently had the pleasure of meeting a dear friend for lunch. While driving to the restaurant to meet her I had the radio on and the first song that came on the radio was Hold On sung by Wilson Phillips. I rarely have the car radio on and I felt compelled to listen to the lyrics. I have heard this tune played dozens of times but in that moment I was truly present. It is a peppy simple song. The words are so profound that perhaps I hadn’t given it much attention before now. The synchronicity of hearing that song at that time was that my friend whom I was meeting at that moment had just undergone some very significant positive changes in her personal life. The lyrics were so apropos I was elated by the messages the song was imparting. Here are some of the lyrics that I’d like to share: I know this pain Why do lock yourself up in these chains? No one can change your life except for you Don't ever let anyone step all over you Just open your heart and your mind Is it really fair to feel this way inside? No one can make the needed changes for your life. You hold the ability and the inner power to decide what is best for you. You are the only one to determinate what you feel is right and in your best interest. Open yourself up by listening to your inner voice to live your version of your life. Create your own plan not someone else’s. You could sustain Or are you comfortable with the pain? You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness You got yourself into your own mess Lettin' your worries pass you by Don't you think it's worth your time To change your mind? Ask yourself these questions and listen to what comes up for you: What are you putting up with? What is holding you back from moving forward with what results you wish to achieve? How uncomfortable are you willing to be before you initiate a change? Who is responsible for your happiness? When are you ready to move out of the pain? Just like the chorus of Hold On that repeats over and over again: Don't you know things can change Things'll go your way If you hold on for one more day Can you hold on one more day? By the way one week later, while driving I put the radio on and guess what song I heard? I suppose the universe wanted me to hear this valuable message again. I immensely enjoyed this coincidence. |
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