ARE YOU A BLAMER?

“If you blame others, you miss the lesson.” – Oprah

Do you often blame others for your misfortunes? Do you focus more on what didn’t go your way? Are you playng the role of the victim? Let’s examine this concept.

Be honest and take ownership of your actions. When you have a tendency to blame other people for their behavior (which you may have already labeled as bad or dishonest) you are not looking at your own responsibility for the situation.   You may have faulty expectations about how others “should” have acted. Thus, you become disappointed and disillusioned. The other people also have their own expectations and perhaps you didn’t meet their standards of conduct as well. What to do?

An important principle to be mindful of is that one either contributes or contaminates any given interaction. You may have to step back for a moment and evaluate from both a subjective and objective point of view on how the situation unfolded. You may have contributed a higher percentage of discomfort than you initially realized and subsequently you reacted harshly or quickly with blame.

The next time you are ready to blame someone, ask yourself these questions:

·         What have I done to make matters worse?

·         How did I contribute to this problem?

·         Am I really being honest?

·         Am I telling the truth or am I lying to protect myself?

·         Am I blaming others when I may be at fault?

·         How may I have contaminated the situation?

The consequence – either you own up to your own actions which resulted in a cause and effect outcome or your actions will ultimately own you. When you choose to blame, you essentially miss what the experience is attempting to teach you. What is the lesson here? How can I do and act better the next time I am faced with a similar circumstance? Marianne Williamson said once in a podcast “You keep telling life what it means rather than having life tell you what it means.” Therefore, instead of looking outwardly to blame or target others peer inwardly to see what life is ready to teach you. It’s a valuable lesson to learn.

I invite your comments.